Twins! Queer!! Drag Queens!!! Twins are not uncommon; however, twins seem unusual to be a part of the LGBTQA+ and drag community. As a twin, I have to navigate some unspeakable truths when interacting with others. Being a twin is a strong identity of who we are but both of us are individuals with our own lives, goals, and dreams.
Nevertheless, we have had interesting comments, questions, and statements made to us when we are together and bonding. This article is more about what types of uncomfortable things we go through together regarding being compared or fetishized. Most of these interactions are by people among the LGBTQA+ communities.
Since birth, the comparison has been a constant barrier to building relationships with others as twins. In our experience, it is queer men who express unwanted fantasies to us. We challenge the ignorance they bring forth in their fetishization, sexual desire, and character. Too often, we deal with questions that put us in a state of objectification and discomfort. We both face these comments when attempting to date, encounter hookup culture, have a relationship, or even engage in friendships.
· “Can I use you two as a gift to my fiancé? He has always wanted twins.”
· “It would be better if your twin were here; that could be more fun.”
· “I wonder what it would be like with twins; that’s ok; one is enough.”
These comments, for us, are disturbing and just the tip of the iceberg. People do not comprehend that this is a form of unwanted communication that has led to undesirable interactions. One particular individual went to lengths to say he slept with both of us at different times only to be able to say he was with twins. Twin fetishization is a game or badge of honor for some. It dehumanizes us, is entirely unwanted, and makes us uncomfortable with feelings of being unsafe. Knowing that people will go out of their way to insert themselves into our lives shows their deception is our reality. My twin and I build an open and honest conversation about these moments for safety and awareness. Although we strive to educate, curiosity is not appropriate if the underlying intent is to objectify us or even fill your own thoughts before seeing us as people.
· “You two are twins… have you ever explored with each other?”
· “So, whose penis is bigger?”
· “One of you is cuter.”
To some people, these questions and comments are harmless. Still, they are toxic and create stress between the relationship of us and that other individual. The tension is awkward because these thoughts and subjective comparisons are intrusive and unpleasant. People need to understand that knowing twins or even having a fetish or sexual desire for those people does not mean anyone has the permission to act on it because it fits your need. Consent is still needed, even to share are talk about such curiosities or desires.
In my experience, some people objectify others to their liking to find what they are looking for. Their justification for acting on their wants does not mean that people have to live as objects for their pleasure. Unfortunately, I don’t often hear anyone discussing how twins go through these uncomfortable life situations that can be harmful regardless of the communities they belong to. Twins are people and individuals that have a bond different from simply being a sibling. Anyone who inserts themselves by comparing and fetishizing us shows their toxic form of dehumanizing others. Think before you speak and work on your approach to learning to explore desires with consent and communication.
Twin of Jacob Kelley:
Joshua Kelley also known as Harpy Daniels the Internationally know Navy Drag Queen.