Celebrating Nonbinary People’s Day is an occasion to honor and uplift the experiences of nonbinary individuals, acknowledging their unique journeys in navigating identity. In this reflection, I delve into my challenges and story as a nonbinary person. Often, as I reflect on my gender self-concept and connection to the world around me, I confront how I navigate spaces to express my authentic self. This navigation is not without its challenges, encompassing concerns for my safety and a firm resolve to never hide my queerness. It becomes an internal struggle, plagued by thoughts like “am I nonbinary ” or the realization that some people may never truly see and understand who I am. Others may arrogate the authority to determine when and if I can fit into their preconceived notions of nonbinary identity.
One of the most profound experiences occurs when I am confined to society’s narrow view of my assigned gender category (assigned male at birth). In such moments, I continuously fight to liberate myself from that hegemonic lens. Confronting these challenges prompts self-reflection, wherein doubt and confidence intermingle. Doubt arises from the understanding that I can never conform to the image of nonbinary that some people expect. I am forced to conceal aspects of my true self based on the setting or the limited scope of my imagination regarding gender performance. Nevertheless, amidst the doubt, glimpses of confidence empower me to push back against these fears and seek validation on my own terms.
The notion that we rely on performance and societal images to prove our authenticity to others is something I abhor. However, when I survey the depictions of nonbinary individuals, I often find myself searching for someone who reflects my own experiences. The existing portrayals rarely account for aspects like being from a rural background, being assigned male at birth, or expressing forms of queer masculinity or androgynous femininity. While these images are beautiful in their own right, I contemplate the social expectations I would have to meet in order to resemble society’s archetype of nonbinary identity, to come closer to aligning the exterior flesh I was given with who I truly am. And so, my personal journey truly began. I came to understand that my performance would always be measured against an outsider’s view, shaped by social heteronormativity and cisnormativity, rather than being recognized as a neutral or fluid blend of performances.
As I traverse the path of understanding what it means to be nonbinary, I draw inspiration from my own power to defy basic understandings of social norms. Expressing who I am entails embracing my authenticity and living my life unapologetically. Our various expressions of self are born from an internal consciousness. Even if I were standing naked, stripped of all external markers, I would still be nonbinary. At that level, people must confront their assumptions about who I am, based not on my body, build, genitals, face, color, or texture, but on a deeper understanding of my spirit and mind. The absence of adornments does not signify an absence of expression; rather, it embodies the freedom of knowing that being nonbinary extends beyond adapting to the assigned identities of life. I aspire to feel free at all times, regardless of the hour, the location, or the clothing I wear. I cherish the body I inhabit, yet I reject the lens of society that seeks to exploit it. My gender is not confined to the visible flesh; it resides within the internal understanding of my spirit and mind.
When I express myself, sharing my emotions, thoughts, and rhetoric both within and beyond the binary, I want people to recognize that it is not merely an expression of gender. Instead, it encompasses masculinity, femininity, androgyny, and neutrality. I refuse to be bound by the expectation that my forms of expression must align with society’s gendered performances. My expressions tell the story of my inner beauty. A dress does not make me beautiful; I am already inherently beautiful. Rather, a dress amplifies my beauty by providing a means to share my ideas, passions, and vulnerabilities. The notion that I have to conceal my beauty, power, or authenticity to conform to strict binary schemes prevents me from experiencing true freedom, just as when I stand unadorned.
I challenge all communities to cease comparing themselves to the schemes society dictates we must follow. Instead, embrace the inner freedom with which you were born to express yourself. Do not allow others to mold, confine, or force you into conformity. You are the epitome of authenticity; wear it with confidence and empowerment. I am nonbinary; I have not changed who I am. I stopped listening to how people perceive me and started demonstrating that I am boundless. Their limitations seem to stem from a lack of imagination, as something as authentic as my identity appears to be nothing more than a fantasy to them. Nonbinary does not adhere to a singular appearance; it defies limitations and encompasses an infinite array of forms. It is not a look, but a profound and beautiful expression of limitless possibility.
Follow Mx. Kelley Queer Education LLC on social media platforms @juicywithjake and if you read this blog, here is a question for you to answer, and tag #letsgetjuicy, “when was the first time you met someone who was nonbinary?” Answer in the Instagram post or on LinkedIn.